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Posts Tagged ‘toddlers’

Every parent will have had the experience of their toddler having a screaming fit in the middle of Target over some bright pink shoes with flashy lights in them. As frustrating as they are, tantrums are a completely normal part of childhood development. There are lots of theories about what is happening for the child at this age, and the one that makes most sense to me is that of Erik Erikson.

Erik Erikson was a psychologist and psychoanalyst mist famous for describing a list of stages that he believed every person passes through in their lives – from infancy to old age. The second stage that he described, occurring at the toddler stage (18 months – three years) is the stage of autonomy – v – shame/doubt.

Erikson believed that a toddler’s task is to develop a sense of autonomy, and if the toddler doesn’t do that, she will be left with shame, and doubt about her ability to function independently.

 

It can be a difficult stage for us as parents to negotiate as the toddler challenges our authority. On one hand, we want to let our child become more independent: to learn how to put her own shoes on and make decide what kind of sandwich she wants (inevitably jam), but on the other hand we also need to set boundaries and limits. Outside of the house, children need to learn social rules, and of course, be safe.

I think the best way to manage the battle of wills with a toddler is to pick your battles. If a toddler wants to wear a fairy dress over their pajamas, along with a sun hat, sunglasses, scarf and pink slippers, then that really doesn’t matter. It does help to give the child that sense of control over their day and their life.  But if they refuse to sit in the pram and insist on walking, then they must hold mum’s hand. There will be tears and anger, and little ones become overwhelmed by their feelings very easily. But by being firm, while telling the toddler that you understand how they feel when you stop them from climbing up the bookshelves in the shop, the tantrum will pass. And in time, the child will develop a sense of independence and autonomy, and have no doubt in their own ability to be a big kid.

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Moving a little one from their cot to a big girl/boy bed is a major transition: for children and for parents, but there are a few things that can help make the  the transition a bit easier. I think it’s important to either move the toddler a month or two before a new baby arrives, or a month or two afterwards, so that she doesn’t feel resentful about the new baby taking her cot as well as her parents’ attention. The toddler should also have some sense of ownership of the decision, such as being involved (or thinking that they’re involved!) in choosing the bed and linen. It is also worth talking to them in advance about beds and big girls/boys, letting them try naps on grown up beds, and showing them older siblings/friends’ beds. Also, using dolls or toy animals to demonstrate can be a way to explain it. Ensuring that the toddler still has the same teddy, or blanket (see my post on transitional objects) can make the new bed seem more familiar. I’ve read that some people leave the cot in the room as well as the bed and allow the child to choose. I feel that it’s better to just make the transition straight away and it is ultimately less confusing for the child.

It is bound to be frightening initially for toddlers: all they have ever known is their cot, with high sides to keep them in. It is also anxiety-provoking for parents, who worry that their child will be frightened, or fall out and hurt themselves. As with all big developmental changes in our little ones, there’s a mixture of excitement about them growing up, and some sadness that they’re taking another little step towards independence. And as always, I think it’s more of a big deal for parents. Our children seem to take it all in their stride, and they love growing up and being big kids.

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