Posts Tagged ‘Parenting’

I had an article published today on mamamia.com.au – you can read it here.

I wrote the post not long after my first child was born – over two years ago now, and finally submitted it a few months ago to mamamia. It’s essentially the story of an experience I had on one night in hospital after my daughter was born, and my feelings of powerlessness after an interaction with one particular night nurse. It’s been really interesting reading the comments on the article, particulalry to hear about others’ experiences – good and bad. I do want to point out that I am definitely not ‘anti’ hospitals or ‘anti’ midwives at all, but rather I wanted to share one experience that I had to highlight how hard it can be to ‘speak up’ and follow your instincts when you are exhausted and vulnerable.

I have had lots of positive experiences too and with my second child, my experience was far better. The midwives caring for me at the moment with my third pregnancy are great and I am having my third child in a hospital too. With each child though, I am of course more experienced and secure with my plans and choices.

Do feel free to comment – it’s an important area to discuss I think…




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I have just read this article in the Guardian and sighed when I read it. It refers to an article published a couple of weeks ago in the British Medical Journal (here is the article, but it requires a subscription/payment to read it all) where a research group (Fewtrell et al) questioned the policy in the UK to recommend exclusive breastfeeding of infants for six months. Just to be clear, exclusive breastfeeding means that for the first six months, an infant is given breast milk only: no solids, no formula, just breastmilk.

This follows the WHO guidelines, and the Australian government recommends the same. I should emphasise that the researchers are not recommending formula over breastmilk, and they are talking about the introduction of solid food, not formula.

What are they worried about? Well, the researchers are worried about links between late introduction of solids and iron deficiency, a potential increase in food allergies, and of coeliac disease.

I’m sure that this is going to confuse mothers even more. Any new mum knows that they are bombarded with a huge amount of advice from friends, families, and experts. I know that when I had my first child, I spent a lot of time consulting baby books and the internet for every little thing. But with my second child, I didn’t have the time, or inclination, and used a much more intuitive style of parenting.

I didn’t manage to exclusively breastfeed for six months, despite knowing that it was recommended, and despite having every intention to do so. My first child started solids at about five months, but my second was grabbing food from my plate at four months and I knew she needed more than breastmilk. I didn’t believe that something magical happened at six months of age that was missing at five and a half months, and so I did what I thought was best for my children – which is what mothers have been doing forever.

I’m curious about how many mums do actually manage to breastfeed exclusively for six months. I am very pro-breastfeeding, and had every intention of doing so, but for us, it didn’t work out and I did start solid food earlier (even though I continued breastfeeding for about a year with them both).

Did you manage?

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The following is a guest post by Nadia Jones. Nadia’s daughter experienced her first episode of mental illness while she was living away from home at University, leaving Nadia to have to try and manage this from afar. She has written below about her own advice to any other parents who worry about their child’s mental  health when they are away from home. She writes:


“For many parents, worrying about their children, especially when they move away from home for the first time, it is natural. Of course, there are many specific things that parents worry about concerning their college-bound students, but perhaps the most worrisome for those who have a family history of mental health disorders is that big changes—moving away to experience a lack of structure for the first time–could cause stresses that later manifest into full-blown disorders. This was my experience with one of my children, who was eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder but had shown no signs of the disorder prior to college. Here are a few of my tips for maintaining your child’s mental health when he or she no longer lives with you.

1.     Be communicative without being overbearing.

When I first began attending college, my parents called me every day, but we never had substantive conversations. It was more of an exercise in “checking up” on me and a way to assuage their empty nest syndrome. Of course, you will want to call all the time, but it is much more effective to call your child every few days and have longer, more substantive conversations in which you can extract how they are really managing the transition. Since your child is experiencing independence for the first time, she will likely be less receptive to your communication if you call too often.

2.     Get to know your child’s friends.

Of course, this won’t happen right away, but it is important to know and have contact information of those who actually live and study with your child. It is very easy for your own child to say “I’m fine, don’t worry.” Close friends who have your child’s interests in mind will be more open to talking honestly if a serious problem begins to arise. Whenever I came to visit my child in college, I would always invite her closest friends to dinner. Being close with your child’s support group is absolutely essential if your child later struggles with mental health issues.

3.     Watch for small signs of anomalous behavior.

Most of the time, it is very easy for a burgeoning mental health problem to slip completely under the radar until it becomes an obvious problem. In my experience, especially if you already know about mental health disorders from relatives who may have them, it’s most important to look for very small changes in behavior. Even seemingly positive behaviors can be a sign. For example, when my child began calling me bubbling over with enthusiasm about a thesis project, I was excited for her. When the calls became more frequent and the enthusiasm turned into obsession, I knew that there was a problem.

4.     Emphasize the importance of consistent sleep and overall balance.

Eventually, my child’s friends and I were able to convince my child to seek professional help. And one thing that parents should know from the very beginning is that professional help is an absolute necessity if mental health problems come up. I have known far too many young men and women whose lives were ruined by mental health disorders because they or their parents were in denial and delayed seeking help. But after seeing an appropriate doctor, the most important aspect of maintaining mental health is sleep and leading a balanced life. Make sure to emphasize this when talking to your child.

It goes without saying that there is much less that you, as a parent can do when your child moves away from home, and it can be extremely stressful. Being as loving and supportive in any way you can be, while trusting your child to grow into independence, is the most effective way to ensure a stable transition from home to adulthood.”

Author Bio:

This is a guest post by Nadia Jones who blogs at online college about education, college, student, teacher, money saving, movie related topics. You can reach her at nadia.jones5 @ gmail.com.

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I just wanted to post a link to a post written by a woman called Danni Miller that includes an article by Jessica Rowe, who has spoken publically about her own experiences with postnatal depression. I think it’s beautifully written, and honest, and is worth a read here.

If you are at all concerned about your own mental health, or that of someone close to you, please talk to your doctor. More information on PND can be found at justspeakup.com.au

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At around 18-24 months, children begin to enjoy scribbling: they are able to draw a squiggle and tell you that it is a ‘lady’ or a ‘doggie. This is the stage at which children use  symbolism, ie representing things with symbols. Language is also a form of symbolism, as well as art.

This has been described by the developmental psychologist Jean Piaget as part of the ‘preoperational reasoning’ stage of child development, beginnning when children are around 2 years old. Children also start to use pretend play at this stage.

In child psychiatry, we use play as a method of communication and ‘therapy’ with children, as play is used by children in the same way as complex language is in adults. A child will explore events that they have experienced, or worries that they have, through play. For example, a child who has been traumatised may act out that trauma with their toys, or a child who is being bullied may reenact this with toy animals.

This developmental stage is a huge leap for children who previously could only express their frustrations directly, such as by crying when upset. It is exciting for both the children and their parents.

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In dealing with newborn infants, I have found the concept of the fourth trimester very helpful. This is a phrase that I associate with Dr Harvey Karp, who has previously commented on this blog. He talks about the need to create an atmosphere similar to that of the womb while the newborn adjusts to life in the outside world, and his suggestions include swaddling, settling the infant on their side, suckling, and white noise. This phase lasts for the first few months of the infant’s life.

I also like the ideas of Dr William Sears, who advocates for attachment parenting. I have previously discussed his book ‘Nighttime Parenting’ on this blog, and his suggestions include frequent breastfeeding and co-sleeping, both of which I have used (note: co-sleeping is not recommended by ‘Sids and Kids’ or the health department.)

From an evolutionary point of view, it makes perfect sense that a newborn baby wants to be held all the time. I have blogged before about mother-infant attachment, and this is linked to the belief that infants are hard wired for survival. Survival for a tiny baby means being close to their mother. Being alone in a quiet room would be frightening for an infant, as they have absolutely no means of surviving on their own – their only chance is to display attachment behaviour which allows them to be in close proximity to their mother. My number one piece of baby equipment, and the one I recommend to everyone I know, is a sling: these help infants to feel safe and secure, and also allows the parent’s hands to be free to get things done around the house.

There is a perception in our culture that things like feeding/rocking/cuddling babies to sleep, responding to every cry, holding them all the time, or co sleeping creates ‘bad habits’ or ‘spoils’ babies, which is ridiculous. They are not infants for very long and our job is to help them transition from being completely dependant to secure children and adults.

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Yesterday, I had two experiences which would have been beautiful to catch on film to highlight the attachment system at work. In the morning, A was playing and I went to the next room to vacuum. When I switched the vacuum cleaner on, I heard a squeal over the noise and A appeared in the doorway crying and speed crawling towards me. She must have been very quick to cover the distance so rapidly. She avoided the machine and reached me quickly, then stood up holding on my legs and reached up to be picked up.

In the afternoon, a plumber came to fix the tap. When she heard the door, she smiled as I think she was expecting her dad to come in, but when she saw it was a stranger, she clung to me.

The attachment system is activated at times of fear. As I’ve mentioned before, the  ‘strange situation’ scenario demonstrates attachment behaviour because it places infants under increasing levels of stress. Yesterday at home, A felt stressed. In attachment terms, she was proximity seeking: coming close to me for security. It is easy to see the evolutionary benefits of this, and it can also be seen in the animal kingdom. Bowlby developed attachment theory based on observations in the animal kingdom, and Harry Harlow in the 1960s did some experiments with monkeys to show some principals of attachment.

Infants are vulnerable: they can’t move very quickly; they can’t climb trees to get away from a predator; they can’t defend themselves. Their best chance of survival, be it from a lion or a vacuum cleaner, is to get close to mum and up in her arms. And we need to pick them up and let them know that they are safe.

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