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Archive for the ‘Parenting’ Category

I had an article published today on mamamia.com.au – you can read it here.

I wrote the post not long after my first child was born – over two years ago now, and finally submitted it a few months ago to mamamia. It’s essentially the story of an experience I had on one night in hospital after my daughter was born, and my feelings of powerlessness after an interaction with one particular night nurse. It’s been really interesting reading the comments on the article, particulalry to hear about others’ experiences – good and bad. I do want to point out that I am definitely not ‘anti’ hospitals or ‘anti’ midwives at all, but rather I wanted to share one experience that I had to highlight how hard it can be to ‘speak up’ and follow your instincts when you are exhausted and vulnerable.

I have had lots of positive experiences too and with my second child, my experience was far better. The midwives caring for me at the moment with my third pregnancy are great and I am having my third child in a hospital too. With each child though, I am of course more experienced and secure with my plans and choices.

Do feel free to comment – it’s an important area to discuss I think…

 

 

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I have just read this article in the Guardian and sighed when I read it. It refers to an article published a couple of weeks ago in the British Medical Journal (here is the article, but it requires a subscription/payment to read it all) where a research group (Fewtrell et al) questioned the policy in the UK to recommend exclusive breastfeeding of infants for six months. Just to be clear, exclusive breastfeeding means that for the first six months, an infant is given breast milk only: no solids, no formula, just breastmilk.

This follows the WHO guidelines, and the Australian government recommends the same. I should emphasise that the researchers are not recommending formula over breastmilk, and they are talking about the introduction of solid food, not formula.

What are they worried about? Well, the researchers are worried about links between late introduction of solids and iron deficiency, a potential increase in food allergies, and of coeliac disease.

I’m sure that this is going to confuse mothers even more. Any new mum knows that they are bombarded with a huge amount of advice from friends, families, and experts. I know that when I had my first child, I spent a lot of time consulting baby books and the internet for every little thing. But with my second child, I didn’t have the time, or inclination, and used a much more intuitive style of parenting.

I didn’t manage to exclusively breastfeed for six months, despite knowing that it was recommended, and despite having every intention to do so. My first child started solids at about five months, but my second was grabbing food from my plate at four months and I knew she needed more than breastmilk. I didn’t believe that something magical happened at six months of age that was missing at five and a half months, and so I did what I thought was best for my children – which is what mothers have been doing forever.

I’m curious about how many mums do actually manage to breastfeed exclusively for six months. I am very pro-breastfeeding, and had every intention of doing so, but for us, it didn’t work out and I did start solid food earlier (even though I continued breastfeeding for about a year with them both).

Did you manage?

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Before I sign off for a few weeks for a Christmas break, I just wanted to share this fantastic story about skin to skin contact/kangaroo care that brought a tear to my eye. It’s the story of a Sydney couple whose twins were born prematurely, and they were told only one would survive. As the mother cuddled the newborn to her chest, something amazing began to happen…

Have a great Christmas and I’ll be back in the New Year.

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Risks of baby slings

As someone who used – and recommended – baby slings, I was worried to read a letter today in the Medical Journal of Australia relating to the death of a two day old infant recently while he was being carried in a baby sling. The authors point out that the cause of death was inconclusive, but given that there have been similar occurences in North America, this is clearly a cause for concern. The main risks seem to be associated with either thebaby’s face being covered, or being held in a curved position with chin to chest, and risks seem to be higher for younger, smaller or premature infants.

The ACCC has released a safety warning here if you use/are considering using a baby sling, and this contains advice on safer usage. Of course, consult a health professional if you have any other concerns.

 

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The following is a guest post by Nadia Jones. Nadia’s daughter experienced her first episode of mental illness while she was living away from home at University, leaving Nadia to have to try and manage this from afar. She has written below about her own advice to any other parents who worry about their child’s mental  health when they are away from home. She writes:

 

“For many parents, worrying about their children, especially when they move away from home for the first time, it is natural. Of course, there are many specific things that parents worry about concerning their college-bound students, but perhaps the most worrisome for those who have a family history of mental health disorders is that big changes—moving away to experience a lack of structure for the first time–could cause stresses that later manifest into full-blown disorders. This was my experience with one of my children, who was eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder but had shown no signs of the disorder prior to college. Here are a few of my tips for maintaining your child’s mental health when he or she no longer lives with you.

1.     Be communicative without being overbearing.

When I first began attending college, my parents called me every day, but we never had substantive conversations. It was more of an exercise in “checking up” on me and a way to assuage their empty nest syndrome. Of course, you will want to call all the time, but it is much more effective to call your child every few days and have longer, more substantive conversations in which you can extract how they are really managing the transition. Since your child is experiencing independence for the first time, she will likely be less receptive to your communication if you call too often.

2.     Get to know your child’s friends.

Of course, this won’t happen right away, but it is important to know and have contact information of those who actually live and study with your child. It is very easy for your own child to say “I’m fine, don’t worry.” Close friends who have your child’s interests in mind will be more open to talking honestly if a serious problem begins to arise. Whenever I came to visit my child in college, I would always invite her closest friends to dinner. Being close with your child’s support group is absolutely essential if your child later struggles with mental health issues.

3.     Watch for small signs of anomalous behavior.

Most of the time, it is very easy for a burgeoning mental health problem to slip completely under the radar until it becomes an obvious problem. In my experience, especially if you already know about mental health disorders from relatives who may have them, it’s most important to look for very small changes in behavior. Even seemingly positive behaviors can be a sign. For example, when my child began calling me bubbling over with enthusiasm about a thesis project, I was excited for her. When the calls became more frequent and the enthusiasm turned into obsession, I knew that there was a problem.

4.     Emphasize the importance of consistent sleep and overall balance.

Eventually, my child’s friends and I were able to convince my child to seek professional help. And one thing that parents should know from the very beginning is that professional help is an absolute necessity if mental health problems come up. I have known far too many young men and women whose lives were ruined by mental health disorders because they or their parents were in denial and delayed seeking help. But after seeing an appropriate doctor, the most important aspect of maintaining mental health is sleep and leading a balanced life. Make sure to emphasize this when talking to your child.

It goes without saying that there is much less that you, as a parent can do when your child moves away from home, and it can be extremely stressful. Being as loving and supportive in any way you can be, while trusting your child to grow into independence, is the most effective way to ensure a stable transition from home to adulthood.”

Author Bio:

This is a guest post by Nadia Jones who blogs at online college about education, college, student, teacher, money saving, movie related topics. You can reach her at nadia.jones5 @ gmail.com.

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I just wanted to post a link to a post written by a woman called Danni Miller that includes an article by Jessica Rowe, who has spoken publically about her own experiences with postnatal depression. I think it’s beautifully written, and honest, and is worth a read here.

If you are at all concerned about your own mental health, or that of someone close to you, please talk to your doctor. More information on PND can be found at justspeakup.com.au

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Every parent will have had the experience of their toddler having a screaming fit in the middle of Target over some bright pink shoes with flashy lights in them. As frustrating as they are, tantrums are a completely normal part of childhood development. There are lots of theories about what is happening for the child at this age, and the one that makes most sense to me is that of Erik Erikson.

Erik Erikson was a psychologist and psychoanalyst mist famous for describing a list of stages that he believed every person passes through in their lives – from infancy to old age. The second stage that he described, occurring at the toddler stage (18 months – three years) is the stage of autonomy – v – shame/doubt.

Erikson believed that a toddler’s task is to develop a sense of autonomy, and if the toddler doesn’t do that, she will be left with shame, and doubt about her ability to function independently.

 

It can be a difficult stage for us as parents to negotiate as the toddler challenges our authority. On one hand, we want to let our child become more independent: to learn how to put her own shoes on and make decide what kind of sandwich she wants (inevitably jam), but on the other hand we also need to set boundaries and limits. Outside of the house, children need to learn social rules, and of course, be safe.

I think the best way to manage the battle of wills with a toddler is to pick your battles. If a toddler wants to wear a fairy dress over their pajamas, along with a sun hat, sunglasses, scarf and pink slippers, then that really doesn’t matter. It does help to give the child that sense of control over their day and their life.  But if they refuse to sit in the pram and insist on walking, then they must hold mum’s hand. There will be tears and anger, and little ones become overwhelmed by their feelings very easily. But by being firm, while telling the toddler that you understand how they feel when you stop them from climbing up the bookshelves in the shop, the tantrum will pass. And in time, the child will develop a sense of independence and autonomy, and have no doubt in their own ability to be a big kid.

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