In dealing with newborn infants, I have found the concept of the fourth trimester very helpful. This is a phrase that I associate with Dr Harvey Karp, who has previously commented on this blog. He talks about the need to create an atmosphere similar to that of the womb while the newborn adjusts to life in the outside world, and his suggestions include swaddling, settling the infant on their side, suckling, and white noise. This phase lasts for the first few months of the infant’s life.
I also like the ideas of Dr William Sears, who advocates for attachment parenting. I have previously discussed his book ‘Nighttime Parenting’ on this blog, and his suggestions include frequent breastfeeding and co-sleeping, both of which I have used (note: co-sleeping is not recommended by ‘Sids and Kids’ or the health department.)
From an evolutionary point of view, it makes perfect sense that a newborn baby wants to be held all the time. I have blogged before about mother-infant attachment, and this is linked to the belief that infants are hard wired for survival. Survival for a tiny baby means being close to their mother. Being alone in a quiet room would be frightening for an infant, as they have absolutely no means of surviving on their own – their only chance is to display attachment behaviour which allows them to be in close proximity to their mother. My number one piece of baby equipment, and the one I recommend to everyone I know, is a sling: these help infants to feel safe and secure, and also allows the parent’s hands to be free to get things done around the house.
There is a perception in our culture that things like feeding/rocking/cuddling babies to sleep, responding to every cry, holding them all the time, or co sleeping creates ‘bad habits’ or ‘spoils’ babies, which is ridiculous. They are not infants for very long and our job is to help them transition from being completely dependant to secure children and adults.