Can you tell us how we should be going about developing a secure attachment? I’m also interested to read how the insecure – avoidant and insecure – ambivalent types come about.
This question was posted in response to my blog post on attachment, and I wanted to respond to this, as it’s probably a question that all parents who read about attachment theory are interested in.
Studies show that the attachment style that we had with our own mother (again, mother can be substituted for primary caregiver) is generally predictive of the attachment style that we have with our own children. We generally parent in the way in which we were parented. There is evidence of neurobiological brain changes in infants and children which relate to their early experiences, and there is therefore an argument that our attachment style is hard- wired from a very early age.
Most children — and adults — are securely attached, so for the majority of people, we can just do what comes naturally when it comes to parenting and our children will develop secure internal working models. The factors which help this are parents being warm, empathic and consistently responsive. Parents respond to their children when their attachment behaviour is activated (crying, trying to get close to mother), and are able to empathise ie put themselves in the child’s shoes and recognise what they need at that time, and provide it.
Parents with insecure attachment styles with their infants will generally have had that pattern with their own parents(analysed with an interview called the Adult Attachment Interview). Other factors which may influence the development of an insecure attachment include maternal mental illness (postnatal depression, psychosis), trauma, illness of the child, separation of the pair in early life etc – basically anything which affects a parent’s ability to respond to their child as above.
For this group of parents, there are things that can be done to promote secure attachment at-risk groups and individuals. The aim is to help parents develop an awareness of both their own and their child’s internal mental experiences — their reflective functioning –(Slade, 2005); to be able to put themselves in their child’s shoes; and to help with basic parenting skills.
I think that the most important thing to remember that the vast majority of parents are doing the best that they can with what they have. It’s such an important area of intervention for infants that has huge implications for the future health of our communities., and is still under-recognised and under-funded.